About Sex. On the A.Lapin’s interview materials of 1994.

(Translated by Kirill Zubarev)

In ordinary human life there are three opportunities to encounter  mysticism; birth, sex and death. Birth and death occur, as a rule, once in life, whereas sex occurs more often. However, most people miss the opportunity to experience mysticism…

If sex, for you, is just a sexual act, then there is nothing in common between love and sex. Since love is a state of consciousness, a sexual act is a physiological incident involving two bodies.

If sex, for you, is a physical manifestation of love then there’s no indifference between love and sex. In this case, sex is a process of love. Sex is love in a dynamic form.

Love and sex give pleasure and bliss. In both cases, we feel pleasure when we touch our partner. In the case of sex, pleasure comes from physical touching. We connect with our partner’s body of the partner, we penetrate into his or her depth. In the case of love, pleasure comes from touching of consciousness and attention.

Attention flows from the eyes when we look at someone. When you remember something, you connect to it by giving it your attention through your thoughts. We touch our lover with our attention, penetrating into his or her depth…, we actually “rub” against our object of love with attention and thus we get pleasure from this. This is similar to what happens during sex!

During sex, our attention is connected by touchings the body. In a sexual act, the focus of attention is on the genitals.

It turns out that there are two kinds of sex. The first one, called sex, is a physiological one, associated with the body. The other one, called love, is a more subtle one and is associated with energy, attention and consciousness. There is no difference between these two kinds of sex, they are both the same. Since our attention is also a part of the body, only a more subtle one, not a physical one. Furthermore, the body and attention are equal parts of a human. That’s why love is “sex” which deals with consciousness, but  ordinary sex is sex where the body acts.

This analogy can be continued. For an individual consciousness,  attention has the role of the male penis. In fact, attention is a “penis”, by which the consciousness penetrates into what attention is directed to. And the process of perception has the role of vagina, when you admit something new in your consciousness.

Thus, consciousness manifests itself, as a vagina, or as a penis. And the process of cognition is sex between consciousness and Truth.

The root of the word «sex» means «divided», that is something that is divided into parts. Thus, sexual connection is a process of connection of the separated parts.

At the same time, love is a connecting force. It is a force of attraction that connects a lover and a beloved but sex is how this force is manifested itself. It is what happens when gravity of love begins to act freely, when there is a merger of two parts into one.

It is useless to define the boundaries of sex by saying: “This is sexy, but that is not.” What and how you perceive depends on your state at that moment. For example, at this time one kind of touching gives you some sexual feelings and after some time, the same touching will seem completely neutral. The touching will be the same, but you will not.

Everything depends on the condition of perception, on the state of your energy at the moment. What is your internal energy aimed at, what does it vibrate with? What energy center of the body dominates at this moment? The more active your sexual energy is, the more your center of perception shifts to the sexual area. Although, if you were in a different mood, you would perceive it differently.

In fact, it make no sense to single out sexual energy as something very special. It is even possible to say: «there isn’t any sexual energy». There is just energy. The whole Universe is an ocean of energy, flowing from one state to another. When there is a lot of this pure energy in the head (and the mind, meanwhile, is healthy), you feel it as a clarity of thought and perception. If we have a lot of  the same kind of energy in our chest, where our “spiritual heart” is, we feel subtle emotions, such as love and tenderness. But if we have a lot of that energy in the lower abdomen we feel it as sexual power.

The fact is that some part of the body has more energy where that energy actively manages to manifest itself. It can be an intellectual, emotional, sexual centre or anything else. Of course, each of these centers give their “color” to the energy, but its main quality remains the same. It’s just energy.

And now consider what people usually do with sex, how they humiliate it.

It is known that love does not submit to the will. Love it or not , it does not depend on you. You can just state the fact: “I love” or “I do not love”. You can’t control love. But, on the contrary, you are controlled by it. If you try to love according to your will, nothing good can happen.

What is real sex? It is a manifestation of love. It is love associated with the body. Real sex and real love are ruled by the same laws. With this, love is uncontrollable. What do people usually do with sex? They try to control it. They decide whether to have sex or not, they consider it. And then, they start thinking if everything was “right” during sex.

But if everything is harmonious and natural, the body will respond accordingly, and as a consequence, you will experience real sex. If the situation is far-fetched and artificial, it is impossible to squeeze out any real sex from the body. You can only squeeze out a pimple… sex of this quality is just fake. From such sex there are  only disturbances: «Has anything wrong happened to me?» The sensations are dulled, the body does not respond as it should do, etc.

The body can not be fooled. The body is a part of nature and it lives according to its laws, it is natural. It reacts to what exists. It is as an indicator. For the body, love and sex are inseparable. The body does not distinguish between sex and love. This separation, sex and love, is the result of the analysis, and the analysis deals with the mind, not with the body.

If you urge the body to have sex, when it does not want it, when it is not full of love, the result will be disappointing.

Imagine yourself instead of your body! You are forced to do work that you do not want to do. How should the body respond in this case? Just fool you and imitate the sexual experiences.

In fact, during normal, ordinary or dull sex, the physical body doesn’t have any special energy for sex. If you force the body to have sex when you do not want to, you take a little bit of energy from everywhere, from all the organs and systems. It’s like an unexpected tax. Eventually, fatigue comes with the feeling of emptiness and loss of energy. But real sex can not bring any fatigue!

After all, real sex comes from the overflow of energy. In other words, real sex does not happen when you force your body to have sex, but when you can’t avoid it, when you can’t help having sex.

Diogenes of Sinope, wrote about sex in his letter to Apelido: “I sneeze when my nose gets a speck of dust”. You see, if dust does not get into the nose, it is not necessary to make any effort to an attempt to sneeze.

All of the greatest and the strongest things in this world were created by people who were fully immersed in what they were doing. They were in the state of extreme integrity. This can fully be applied to sex. You merge with the process so strongly that you dissolve totally in it. You stop existing as something separate. You can’t even say that you are having sex because you and sex do not exist as two different things in that moment. There is only a stream of pulsating energy…

The sex center of any human being is a “node” through which absolutely all of life threads go. This is what constitutes life. And if you change something in your sex center, it will affect your whole life. Your emotions change, your relationships with people, your creativity, your perception of the world, your whole life… Of course, sex changes, too.

The sex center is similar to an ear. The surface of an ear has active points which are connected to all the organs of the body. If you prick one point on the ear, your liver function will change, and if you prick another one, your stomach function will respectively change, too. The entire body is projected on the surface of the ear. The same is true of the sexual center. A person’s whole inner world  is connected to it.

The sexual energy of each person is a huge and an enormous force, however, it is usually repressed. It is known that repressed energy is always manifested either in jokes or in bawdry. Research studies done by culture experts show that in all languages humor and swearing are associated with sex.

The sex center is a continuously operating source of a powerful force. However, an ordinary human does not know how to handle that sexual energy. Although, the ability to manage your own sexual energy is a question of inner culture. If a human has hands, but he has not learned how to use them, he can easily gouge out his eye! But the same hands can be Paganini’s hands or Leonardo’s ones… It is better to compare sexual energy with fire. If you ignore it, you’ll either freeze, or it will burn you!

It is known that for most people sex is just a habit. This means that in a given situation, a person acts automatically, as he or she is  accustomed to act. A human becomes a machine that executes a program for the implementation of a sexual act. At first, in order to do this, your ’’inner computer’’ must determine whether the  situation is sexually promising. And if the answer is positive, everything starts to move in well-worn path.

In other words, starting from some moment, you certainly begin to think that the situation leads to sex. When this moment comes, it is already recorded in your “computer”. For example: she (he) has looked into your eyes, or you are alone at night, and she says she is not in a hurry and sits beside you, or you both find yourselves accidentally in the same bed and naked.

If the program starts, a human, as a machine, begins to achieve his goal. Most often, this goal is a sexual act. Your target becomes your partner’s genitals.

If you avoid sex, everything works in the same way except now your goal is the opposite, to avoid the sexual act at all costs! To protect your genitals! This situation is more familiar to women.

Where did this come from? From your inner world. What is the inner world? Where did it come from? It is formed by your upbringing, by the books you read, by the movies you watch, by your parents, by your friends, by your personal fantasies… It is formed by everything  that lives inside you and that makes you act like a puppet.

It turns out that it is not actually you who is having sex, but rather the group formed by your parents, your friends, writers, teachers,   film and theatre directors, by deputy members! You are like a zombies. Those who created your personality and who filled your head with all the stuff, that is called culture, upbringing, decency, and common sense, etc … The same thing happens to your partner. It turns out that neither you nor your partner are having sex, but the two groups of people. And it is lucky if somewhere among these groups you accidentally both manage to run into each other…

You need to get rid of this dictatorship…

Tantric sex is a deep and relaxed meditation. In order to have  meditative sex, there’s a simple fundamental rule: do everything slowly and without any purpose. When that happens, you begin to be “here and now”, i.e. to be completely absorbed by the experience of all that is happening at that very moment…

To be “here and now” means to perceive continuously only what is happening to you at that very moment. You don’t have any thoughts even about the last moment! For this to happen you need to feel every moment again, as if you had just come into the world. Thus, the whole Universe is limited by you and your partner, nothing else  exists now for you. You live only in the present moment. 

Why do you think during sex? Real sex doesn’t occur in the past or in the future (because there are just memories and dreams). Sex exists only in the present, in this very moment. Master said: “This moment is the only reality”. In order to be completely ‘‘in the present’’ a very simple method can be useful: to do everything slower than usual. All of your attention should be directed to what you feel and to what you experience. You need to savor every moment, to be immersed in it.

In order to act to more slowly, you have to let go of any purpose. After all, if there is an unconscious purpose, an unconscious human  tries to reach it as fast as possible. A sexual act should not dominate over you as a prevailing purpose. Genitals should not be the place that overshadow everything.

Furthermore, if there is a subconscious purpose, there is also a subconscious fear that you will not attain it. This can interfere  with being in the present moment.   

All these interferences come from the mind, out of the head. In real sex there is no place for the mind nor for thoughts, but just for feelings. After all, sex is an experience, not a reflection. During sex,  the mind should «die», turn off, the thoughts should go away. But instead the mind just starts to desperately resist such “temporary death.” It controls your behavior and suggests all kinds of thoughts, in order not to focus all your attention on sex and not to allow you to immerse yourself entirely in the moment. Real sex is like a guillotine, it cuts off the head with all its thoughts, fears, conditionings and masks.

Among insects such as mantises, it is common for the female to eat the head of the male immediately at the beginning of a sexual act and to continue to have sex, completely devoid of any thoughts …

Why does this principle “slowly and without any purpose” work so well? To answer this, let us consider three kinds of food; 1) usual food, 2) air and energies, and 3) impressions, the third and most subtle kind of food. Impressions are the food of consciousness. And, sex is a source, including subtle impressions.

Like any food, to assimilate an impression you must “digest” it. Impressions are “digested” by a subtle fire of consciousness which at the same time, extracts energy from them. It feels like inspiration. This energy nourishes consciousness, allowing it to grow. It will take some time to digest it because digestion happens at its own pace.

What happens if you rush into sex? The rate of new impressions exceeds the rate of digestion. In other words, the impressions do not have time to be absorbed, i.e. to be really felt or sensed by you. Being undigested, the impressions are pushed further to the depths of your memory, and, thus, their place will be occupied by the next ones. The undigested impressions manifest themselves in dreams, fantasies and thoughts. They determine your behavior.

If consciousness does not have time to digest impressions, the energy will not be extracted from them. You will experience it as dullness, routine, boredom. You almost don’t have any impressions in this case. And, if there aren’t any experiences of sex, what is it? What do we have? Of course, just sluggish, bland, something ordinary. If you have time to digest the impressions as they arrive, every moment is alive, fresh and new.

That is why it is so important not to rush. By acting slowly, you gain a deep attunement with your partner and you get an inspiring energy, an inspiring force from sex. You have time to absorb all that sexual interaction can give you. You should slowly enjoy every cell of your partner and all of his or her smells. By the way, a healthy and a clean body produces only pleasant, fragrant smells…

It is naive to believe that if you follow the rule, which is called “slow and without any purpose,” you will never reach your partner’s genitals, and as a result, sex will not take place. Only an ordinary theorist with a superficial knowledge and a limited mind can speculate this way.

This rule does not exclude the possibility of spontaneous sex. If there is an instantaneous resonance between you and your partner, the best thing you can do is to surrender completely, to surrender to this impulse. Such spontaneous explosion is impossible to be programmed or predicted, that‘s why it should be appreciated.

Spontaneous sex is like a tsunami. Is it possible to arrange or predict a tsunami? No. Also, a tsunami cannot be slowed down or sped up. What do we have to do? We have to enjoy the tsunami, in  all its phases.

In this state, it doesn’t matter how long your contact lasts, ten minutes or ten hours. The sensation of time only appears, if there is some inertia, but if you are totally spontaneous, there is no inertia. Time disappears. There is inertia of perception only when your mind functions and, as a consequence, you get a sensation of time and of its duration. But if you are spontaneous, it means absence of mind.

To have real sex, you need true love, love at that particular moment. When there is love, there is openness and there is no fear. Your energies will start to attract each other and resonate. It will give you sensations, emotions, and your body will start to play. From all this, real sex blossoms.

If you love someone in “general”, but if at the present moment you do not feel any real love, love as attraction to your lover, sex will be mechanical.

Another important point is that real sex happens if there is only a man and a woman, without their masks or stereotypes.

Only a man and a woman can merge into each other, because their Supreme nature is the same. They are just two halves of the whole. But if two masks, two images try to achieve that, they get some kind of an animal with two heads looking in different directions because sex does not take place between a patriot and a secretary or between a Christian and a basketball player, but between a man and a woman.

Most people constantly fantasize about sex and are eager to have it. However, most people are afraid of real sex. If a human is a potential sexual partner for you, you feel insecure with him. If a human is not a potential sexual partner for you, you feel quite free with him or her. For example, a certain man can easily talk with an old lady or with a little girl. But, standing in front of a woman that he likes, he gets shy. He is afraid of her but at the same time he desires her terribly. He is afraid of her because that woman represents the possibility of sex.

In a potential partner, one is afraid of the possibility of sex! It is as frightening as something huge and unknown, infinite. This fear is completely irrational and unconscious. It is due to the fact that sex has a great mystical power. This strength comes from a depth which is unconscious for the vast majority of people.

The trick is that almost no one is fully aware of the cause and the layer of fear which makes a human get shy in front of a potential sexual partner. Some psychologists even say that this fear is caused by the fact that a potential partner can reject you; “I’m afraid of him or her because he or she may reject me and I will not not be given something that l don’t have.” Well, what can we add to that?!

A sex partner is a window or a door that leads to another dimension. This door opens during orgasm. Orgasm is beyond of sex; orgasm is not sexual. After all, orgasm is nothing but a burst of energy. This explosion takes you away from everyday, accustomed existence. Orgasm is an experience of explosion of pure energy, when nothing else remains. This explosion destroys all of your ego, your whole personality.

We must remember that orgasm is the same kind of event as birth  or death. And we must treat it as such. This means that you either get everything or nothing. You can not only be just half born or half dead. When orgasm begins, it is necessary to experience it until the end, to the very limit, to lose yourself… We can say that orgasm is like a prayer energy. Orgasm is a communion of absolute freedom.

In orgasm you no longer feel yourself a man or a woman. Orgasm allows you to experience yourself as pure energy, as pure consciousness. Through this stream you connect with all the infinite energy of the Universe, and it’s not empty words! In this case,  orgasm is the most spiritual of all experiences available to ordinary people.

When energy is low, orgasm does not rise above physiology. There isn’t enough energy to penetrate the veil of the material world. When there is not enough energy, orgasm turns in a wave of pleasant sensations. This wave is born in the genitals and brings a state of relief and relaxation.

In men, this kind of orgasm is associated with ejaculation and with a loss of energy. As an ordinary orgasm is directed outwards, it’s like a spit of energy in your partner, a quiet whimpering orgasm. But your partner is not able to catch this energy, and it flies off into space. Such orgasm produces an appropriate attitude to sex, to your partner and to the sexual organs.

To avoid this, a man should stop being in a hurry. The rule “slowly and without any purpose” is especially important for men, because rushing into sex is a biological feature of men. As for women, they should stop being shackled. Women should stop being afraid of their sexuality.

Women have much more sexual energy than men. If in ordinary sex a woman reveals all of her sexual energy, a man will feel tired much sooner. Boccaccio wrote about ordinary sex: “One cock can satisfy nine hens, but nine men will never be able to satisfy one woman.” Until a man rises above the level of biology, he will not be able to become a real sex partner for a woman.

By the way, for a man to have orgasm, it is not necessary to have  an ejaculation. Orgasm can be separated from ejaculation. Ejaculation is necessary only for conception. Orgasm only goes together with ejaculation in ordinary, physiological sex. There is nothing wrong with this kind of sex but human is capable of experiencing much more.

There are also exercises to achieve orgasm without ejaculation both in tantra and in taoist yoga. There are exercises for women to stop menstruation. Menstruation is a loss of energy like ejaculation is for men. If you are not going to conceive a child, there is no need for a monthly cycle.

Orgasm becomes an ultimate experience when it is spiritualized. «Spiritualized» means to be connected with the spirit; with your spirit, i.e. with your consciousness. It is necessary to connect  orgasmic energy and consciousness. Usually orgasm originates in the down part of the body, and your consciousness is usually located in the head. There are two ways to connect it and they complement each other very well. The first way is when you raise the orgasmic energy upwards. The second method is when you shift your consciousness down to the sex center.

In the first case, you don’t allow your energy to move downwards, as it usually does. You guide it up to your head. At the same time, you feel the orgasm rising up through your body. When it comes to your head, it gets connected with your consciousness. It is experienced as the explosion we have already talked about above.

To implement this in the initial stages, one usually makes a strong muscular contraction in the crotch area, and , then, “draws” the orgasmic energy upwards. In the future, it is enough to only have the intention for this to happen.

The second method involves shifting consciousness to the sex center. This means an immediate awareness of sexual energy.

It should be noted that sex can turn into a spiritual practice when it becomes conscious. This means that sex becomes meditation.

It is a mistake to think that awareness is a serious analysis of what is happening. If you try to be aware this way, you’ll look like a bad student. Awareness has nothing to do with that.

Awareness means a continuous living presence in the current moment. It is the work of consciousness, but not of the mind. The mind is turned off, and you do not analyze. It is a deep meditation. You are centered, that is you do not lose yourself in what is happening. You are a perceiver. Meditation permeates everything: your body, energy, emotions… You “live”, continually feel everything that is  happening to you in that moment. Your attention should be very relaxed….

Here is an example. Imagine a rose in front of you. In the first case (the work of your mind) you carefully study its petals and its veins. In the second case (awareness) you begin to slowly inhale its fragrance, as if drinking it, tasting it. The fragrance comes into you and becomes part of you. Your eyes become half-closed….

We must remember that true sexual contact is achieved only when you are not completely shy in front of your partner. The indication for you is when you feel as uninhibited in front of your partner, as when you are alone. It is very important.

It is not necessary to continue having sex until your senses are dulled and sex has become lacklustre. As soon as your feelings wane, you should stop. It is very important, because the feeling of dullness can be anchored, if you experience it for a long time. One of the sayings of Shiva “Vijnana Bhairava Tantra” says: “At the start of sexual union keep attentive on the fire in the beginning, and so continuing, avoid the embers in the end.”

Of course, if you feel sex as something sinful, nothing will happen. In this case, any sexual practices are out of the question. There is an apocryphal (secret) gospel, which is called “Mary’s questions”. In it, Jesus tells Mary Magdalene about sexual relations. He tells her:

“… do not sin anymore, thinking that you are a sinner.”

This means that if you perceive sex as something bad, it becomes a source of internal contamination. Nevertheless, you still continue to have sex. If you feel sex as something pure, it becomes a source of purity and an act of purification. Sex itself is neither dirty nor purifying. It is neither a virtue nor a sin. Your attitude to sex makes it dirty or pure.

Sex is surrounded by incredible hypocrisy. For example, in some traditions, children are considered a gift from God. They appear due to sex, but sex is considered a sin! How can it be that a result of a sin is also gift from God?…

That’s why we can say that sex is a ladder between heaven and hell. You can use it to climb up or to go down. You choose the direction of your movement.

The Greek word “Eros” means energy between the human world and the Divine. It is like a channel that connects the human with the Divine. In early esoteric Christianity, the same importance was given to the Holy Spirit. It is said in the Hadith of the Prophet: “Your every sexual act is sacred.” In Tantra, sex is seen as an elevated form of prayer. A sexual partner is perceived as a Divine one.

Tantric sex is a deep and relaxed meditation. Tantric orgasm is a form of Samadhi. This orgasm is sometimes called a “valley orgasm”. But orgasm is not the purpose of sexual union in Tantra.  This is a very important point. Orgasm, in Tantra, is “flowers on the roadside.” Your aim is a journey on the road leading to Infinity, and the flowers on the roadside are just a pleasant fortuitousness.

Here is the practice that can lead you to a “valley orgasm”. While having sex, you and your partner, come close to an orgasm as slowly as possible. For this, to happen, the one who gets excited faster, must slow down and wait for his or her partner. When you’re nowhere near achieving orgasm, you don’t allow to happen it. You start to balance on its edge. You should stay in this state as long as possible.

If you manage to do that, after some time, you might get to the state which is called the “valley orgasm”. In that moment you will feel yourself and your partner as a formless, dense and sweet energy. You will feel that energy dissolve everything but not itself and just   an infinite feeling of bliss will remain, nothing else.

This is nothing more than an orgasm stretched in time. If an orgasm is compared with an explosion, the “valley orgasm” is a slow explosion. It is a considerably slowed down orgasm. It starts gradually and it can last for a very long time.

Here’s another practice. The partners start to have sex and try to enter a state of greatest possible excitement, of a physical one, of an animal one, without any limits. The only thing they must avoid is an ordinary orgasm and ejaculation. All this must be done in order to mobilize more and more sexual energy.

They should remain in this state for approximately 15 minutes, after which the partners should make a complete, momentary stop. It is similar to the technique of “Stop!”, used by the Sufis. It is absolutely necessary at this moment to forget about each other, about sex and  about everything that can excite you. You should lie down, not touch each other and relax, like corpses, no matter what position you are in. All attention must be absorbed only by your own feelings, by what you feel at that very moment in your body. You must be aware of all that.

It is necessary to enjoy all these experiences as a manifestation of the Divine in your body. As a manifestation of the absolute, of radiant purity. Everything you feel, you have to feel in that way. It is necessary to eat all of these sensations by your attention. You need to savor them. In such way energy reaches the depths of your perception. You are totally relaxed and you start to absorb your attention all that you are feeling. Perceiving this way, you transform your sexual energy into a subtle energy of consciousness. From this, your consciousness grows. That is the purpose of this practice.

Such practices also have some healing properties. It is their useful side effect.

In Tantra, there are many ways to do this exercise. You look into each other’s eyes and you start to breathe slowly and deeply. You can hold hands. You need to remain in the most open and relaxed state as you can. It is necessary to imagine that your inhalation and exhalation comes via the perineum, via the genitals. It is necessary to imagine respiration, as something very pure, Divinely pure. Your genitals must be felt like a shining open flower. Breathe for about 15 minutes. Sometimes, in this exercise both partners gradually contract the muscles of the perineum during inhalation.

Although in this exercise you both look into each other eyes,  your  attention is focused in the crotch area. Your attention should be very relaxed, without any tension.

Thus, you achieve a state of a profound harmony with your partner. This practice is usually done before sexual contact. Although it can, by its own means, produce an orgasm.

Here is another practice that can give the highest state. You have sex with your partner and slowly come closer and closer to orgasm. For some time you balance on the edge of orgasm without having one. Then you both sit back to back and lean on each other like on the back of a chair. Your bodies are relaxed, your eyes are closed. After that, exhale gently and hold your breath. Contract the muscles of your perineum, gently pull up and flex your stomach and slightly strain the muscles of your neck, as if you were trying to touch your chest with your chin.

Stay in this position as long as you can. Then, relax all the muscles and inhale. Restore normal breathing by taking a few breaths. Repeat. Each partner must do this at his or her own pace.

The most important thing is that during the pause of your breathing you should imagine that there is an updraft of clear space through your body moving upwards.

You should do this for 5 minutes. It’s nothing else but a variant of the three bandhas used in pranayamas.

And then, without opening your eyes and without changing your position, bring your hands to your chest. Then, slowly start to open your arms and move them apart. Imagine that from the depths of your breast you start to send forward a pure energy of a tender and  unconditional love. With every movement try to do it more subtly and stronger. Do not limit yourself to the level of the achieved state.

You should also do this phase for 5 minutes. Then, you can do the relaxation.

Here is another practice which can lead to a very strong ecstatic state. Do it during or after your sexual contact.

The man must exhale deeply, and the woman must inhale deeply. Then the man + the woman should link their mouths and breathe the same air. The breathing should be deep and smooth, without sudden efforts. Gradually, the breathing will speed up as they will not have enough oxygen. When they can’t breathe any longer this way, they should  unlink their mouths.

Restore normal breathing by taking a few breaths. Repeat.

Do this practice for 5-10 minutes. It is only necessary to ensure that during the joint breathing the air does not come out through the nose.

Here is a very simple exercise which can improve the quality of sexual experiences. It is an exercise for endurance and for strengthening the muscles of the pelvis and of the perineum. For endurance, do 100 to 200 successive contractions of these muscles. This contraction is similar to the interruption of urination. The contraction must be short and not very strong. During the daytime, do 2-3 such series of 100-200 contractions.

The next day, do 2-3 series to develop your strength. In one series, do 10 contractions. Each contraction must be done at maximum intensity and, then, it must be held for 2-3 seconds. Meanwhile, the rest of the body must be relaxed. On the third day, have a rest, and then, repeat the cycle. If you feel that your muscles haven’t recovered, add one day of rest.

You can do also meditation where you contemplate your partner’s   genitals. Genitals are tools that connect a man and a woman. In Tantra, the body is seen as a temple. Genitals are seen as a reservoir of purity and strength. They possess a mystical beauty.

In this meditation, you contemplate the sexual organs, as yantra. Literally, yantra is a “working device”. Yantra is often called a magical diagram that has mystical powers. Yantra can affect the state of consciousness. Yantra is a visual embodiment of energy. So, genitals are yantra. They are the objects of meditation.

Meditation is a state in which consciousness is fully merged with the object of its observation. Of course, the mind is silent, there is no analysis, there is just pure perception….

Sometimes the area in the perineum is called the “gate of life and death.” During the meditation of contemplation you allow yourself to become completely absorbed by this gate.

The genitals are contemplated like a flower….

By the way, flowers, the beauty of which we all admire, are nothing else but the sexual organs of plants.

It turns out that people give each other whole bunches of genitals, and no one is ashamed! If only people had such a pure attitude towards their sexual organs!…

People admire flowers, but they are ashamed of their genitals. Isn’t that right?

The reason for all that is that from early childhood, many parents have tell their kids: “don’t touch, don’t look”! Genitals are ignored, and so a negative attitude forms. Children’s dolls don’t have sexual organs! Where are they?…

There is a law of conservation of genitals. There is a law of conservation of energy and also genitals. All those genitals that were taken away from dolls, didn’t disappear. They can all be found in sex shops. Huge vibrators and rubber vaginas in sex shops… All those genitals which dolls do not have !

Tantra teaches you to be real and natural. It teaches you to be relaxed. Tantra teaches you not to fight with sex, but to use it. Tantra makes you turn from simple lovers into spiritually close people.

There is a very large number of various sexual techniques. But we must remember that Tantra is not a technique, it is a special meditative state. A state of infinite inner beauty and purity….

All practices are only needed in order to attain this state. All practices are only the instruments through which our consciousness is released from all that makes it limited and not free.

If an ignorant human hears about all these sexual exercises, he may be confused. Why? People tend to interpret everything. If one learns a small part of something, one starts to complete the whole picture based upon one’s own views. Also, his views may not be very pure …

This is one of the reasons why tantra has always been kept a secret. In Tantra, sex is seen as a Divine gift. Such an understanding of sex is inherent to very few people; thats why  there was a system of initiations which protected knowledge from any ignorant interpretation.

In this respect, it is very interesting to see a symbolic meaning of some ancient temples of India. For example, the famous temple complex in Khajuraho. The facades of the temples there are decorated with hundreds of erotic figures in the most unimaginable poses. If you remain outside the temple, you will only see these countless copulating figures. But if you go inside you will find the unique symbol of the Divine Consciousness and its creative Energy. On the other side of sex there is only the Divine. All the rest remains on this side.

Brodsky begins his “Letters to the Roman friend” with the following words:


In this windy day the combs of waves rise steeply.

Everything’s to change as autumn adds same hue.

Color shift moves you, dear Postum, much more deeply

then your girlfriend does whenever dressed anew.


You take joy in her to some extent precisely –

nothing goes so far as is her wrist or ankle.

How much fun enfolds the bodiless clad nicely:

Being neither hugged nor cheated nor entangled.


“Fun enfolds the bodiless clad” means that you love from your depth the depth of the partner. There’s nothing to seize, and there is nothing what you could seize with. We must not be afraid of this depth. You should give yourself up to its attraction. It is like an orgasm.