About Sex. On the A.Lapin’s interview materials of 1994.

(Translated by Kirill Zubarev)

In ordinary human life there are three opportunities to encounter the mysticism. It is birth, sex and death. And if birth and death usually occur, as a rule, once in life, sex occurs more often. But most people miss this opportunity to meet mysticism…

If sex for you is just a sexual act, so between love and sex there is nothing in common. As love is a state of consciousness, a sexual act is a physiological incident involving two bodies.

If sex for you is a manifestation of love, its physical manifestation, so between love and sex there’s no difference. In this case, sex is a process of love. Sex is love in a dynamic form.

Love and sex give pleasure and bliss. In both cases, we feel pleasure when we touch our partner. In case of sex pleasure comes from physical touching. We connect with the body of the partner, we penetrate into his or her depth. In case of love, pleasure comes from touchings of consciousness and attention.

Attention flows from the eyes if we are looking at someone. If you remember something, we touch with our attention through our thoughts. We touch with our attention our lover, penetrating into his or her depth… we actually “rub” with attention against our object of love and thus we get pleasure from this. That’s all like in sex!

During sex our attention is connected by touchings with the body. In the sexual act, the focus of attention is focused in the genitals.

It turns out that there are two kinds of sex. The first one is a physiological one, associated with the body, so it was called sex. The other one is a more subtle one and is associated with energy, attention, consciousness, we call it love. Between these two kinds of sex there is no difference, they are all the same. As our attention is also a part of the body, only a more subtle one, not a physical one. And the body and the attention are equal parts of a man. That’s why love is “sex”, which deals with consciousness, but an ordinary sex is a sex where the body acts.

This analogy can be continued. For an individual consciousness, the attention has the role of the male penis. In fact, the attention is a “penis”, by which the consciousness penetrates into what attention is directed to. And the process of perception has the role of vagina, when you admit something new in your consciousness.

Thus, consciousness manifests itself, like vagina, or like penis. And the process of cognition is the sex of consciousness with the Truth.

The root of the word sex means “divided”, i.e., something that is divided into parts. Thus, sexual connexion is a process of connection of the separated parts.

At the same time, love is a connecting force. It is a force of attraction that connects a loving and a beloved. Sex is a process of connection. It is what happens when gravity begins to act freely when there is a merger of the two parts into one.

It is useless to determine accurately the boundaries of sex, saying: “This is sexy, but that is not.” What and how you perceive depends on your state at the moment. For example, now some kind of touching gives you some sexual experiences and after some time the same touching will seem completely neutral. The touching will be the same, but you will not.

All depends on the condition of perception, on the state of your energy at the moment. What is your internal energy aimed at, what does it vibrate with? What energy center of the body dominates at this moment? The more active your sexual energy is, the more your center of perception shifts to the sexual area. Although, if you were in a different state of mood, you would perceive it differently.

In fact, there is no sense to single out sexual energy as something very special. It is even possible to say: there is no any sexual energy. There is just energy. The whole Universe is an ocean of energy, flowing from one state to another. When there is a lot of this pure energy in the head (and the head, meanwhile, is in “order”), you feel it as a clarity of perception and thinking. If we have much energy of the same kind in our chest, where there is our “spiritual heart”, we feel subtle emotions, such as love and tenderness. But if we have much of that energy in the lower abdomen we feel it as sexual power.

The fact is that some part of the body has more energy where that energy actively manages to manifest itself. It can be an intellectual, emotional, sexual centre or any other else. Of course, each of these centers gives its “color” to the energy, but its main quality remains the same. It’s just energy.

And now look at what people usually do with sex, how they humiliate it.

It is known that love does not submit to the will. Love it or not , it does not depend on you. You can just state the fact: “I love” or “I do not love”. You can’t control love. But, on the contrary, you are controlled by it. If you try to love according to your will, nothing good can happen.

What is real sex? It is a manifestation of love. It is love but associated with the body. Real sex and real love are ruled by the same laws. With this, love is uncontrollable. What do people usually do with sex? They try to control it. They decide to have sex or not, they consider it. And then, they start thinking if everything was “right” during sex.

But if everything is harmonious and natural, the body will respond accordingly, and as a consequence, you will experience a real sex. If the situation is far-fetched and artificial, from the body it is impossible to squeeze out any real sex. You can only squeeze out a pimple… the sex of this quality is just a fake. From such sex there are just only disturbances: “Has anything wrong happened to me? The sensations are dulled, the body does not respond as it should do, etc.”

The body can not be fooled. The body is a part of nature and it lives according to its laws, it is natural. It reacts to what exists. It is as an indicator. For the body, love and sex are inseparable. The body does not distinguish between sex and love. This separation, sex and love, is the result of the analysis, and the analysis deals with the mind, not with the body.

If you urge the body to have sex, when it does want it, when it is not full of love, the result will be disappointing.

Imagine yourself instead of your body! You are forced to do the work that now you do not want to do. What should your body do? Just only fool you and create the appearance of sexual experiences.

In fact, during a normal, ordinary or a dull sex, the physical body has no any special energy for sex. If you force the body to have sex when you do not want to, you take a little bit energy from everywhere, from all the organs and systems. It’s like an unexpected tax. Eventually, fatigue comes with emptiness and the feeling of loss of energy. But real sex can not bring any fatigue!

After all, real sex comes from the overflow of energy. In other words, real sex does not happen when you can force your body to have sex, but when you can’t avoid it when you can’t help having sex.

Diogenes of Sinope, wrote about sex in his letter to Apelido: “I sneeze when my nose gets a speck of dust”. You see, while dust does not get into the nose, it is not necessary to make any effort for an attempt to sneeze.

All of the strongest things in this world were created by people who were fully immersed in what they were doing. They were in the state of extreme integrity. This can fully be applied to sex. At the same time you don’t even have sex! Because you and sex do not exist like two different things. There is only a stream of pulsatile energy…

The sex center of any human being is a “node” through which absolutely all of life threads go. This is all what constitutes his life. And if you change something in your sex center, it will affect your whole life. Your emotions change, relationship with people, your creativity, your perception of the world, all your life… Of course, sex change, too.

The sex center is similar to an ear. The surface of an ear has active points which are connected with all the organs of the body. If you prick one point on the ear your liver function will change, and if you prick another one, your stomach function will respectively change, too. On the surface of the ear the entire body is assembled and focused. The same situation happens to the sexual center. All the inner world of the man is connected to it.

The sexual energy of each person is a huge and an enormous force. But people usually have it fully stifled. It is known that the depressed or the stifled is always manifested either in jokes or in bawdry. Research studies made by culture experts show that humor and swearing in all languages of all peoples are associated with sex.

The sex center is a continuously operating source of a powerful force. But an ordinary man does not know how to handle that sexual energy. But it is a matter of internal culture. If a man has got his hands, but he has not learned how to manage them, he can easily gouge out his eyes! But the same hands can be the Paganini’s hands or the Leonardo’s ones… Well, it is better to compare sexual energy with fire. If you ignore it, you’ll either get frozen, or it will burn you!

It is known that for most people sex is just a habit. This means that in a given situation, a person acts automatically, as he or she was accustomed to act. A person becomes a machine that executes a program for the implementation of sexual act. At first, to do this, your “inner computer” must determine whether this situation is sexually promising. And if the answer is positive, everything starts to move in its rut.

In other words, starting from some moment, you certainly begin to think that the case goes to sex. When this moment comes, it is already recorded in your “computer”. For example: she (he) has looked into your eyes. Or at night, you are alone, and she says she is not in a hurry and sits beside you. Or you find yourselves accidentally in the same bed and both naked.

If the program starts, a person, as a machine begins to achieve his goal. Most often, this goal is a sexual act. The target you need to get now are your partner’s genitals.

If you avoid sex, everything will be the same, from the same point, only your goal will be the opposite, to avoid the sexual act at all costs! To protect your genitals! This situation is more familiar to women.

Where did this come from? From your inner world. What is the inner world? Where did it come from? It is formed by your upbringing, by the books you read, by the movies you saw, by your parents, by your friends, by your personal fantasies… All that lives inside you and makes you act like a puppet.

 It turns out that actually it is not you who is having sex, but all that crowd formed by your parents, your friends, your writers, your teachers, your film and theatre directors, by deputy members! You are like zombies, through your body the ones who created your personality are acting, the ones who filled your head with all that stuff, with which it is full up, and with what is called culture, upbringing, decency, common sense, etc … the same thing happens to your partner. It turns out that you are not having sex nor your partner, but the two crowds. And it is good if somewhere in these crowds accidentally you both have managed to run into …

You need to get rid of this dictatorship…

Tantric sex is a deep and relaxed meditation. To have a meditative sex, there’s a simple fundamental rule: to do everything slowly and not to have any purpose. At the same time you begin to be “here and now”, i.e. to be completely absorbed by the experience of all that is happening at this very moment…

To be “here and now” means to perceive continuously only what is happening to you at this very moment. No memories not even about just the last moment! For this you need to feel every moment again, as if you had just come into the world. Thus, the whole Universe will be limited by you and your partner, nothing else will exist now for you. The time in which you will be living, will be just only this moment.

Why are you to think during sex? Real sex is not in the past nor in the future (because there are just only memories and dreams). Sex exists only now, in this very moment. Master said: “This moment is the only reality”. For total being in the present moment a very simple method can be useful: to do everything slower than usual. All attention should be directed to what you feel, to what you experience. We need to savor every moment, to be sunk in it.

And, to do the actions slower, you have to refuse any purpose. After all, if there is an unconscious purpose, an unconscious person tries to reach it as faster as possible. Sexual act should not dominate over you as a sworn purpose. Genitals should not be the place that overshadow everything.

There is one more thing. If there is a subconscious purpose, so there is a subconscious fear that you will not reach it. And it can interfere.

All these interferences come from the mind, out of the head. In a real sex there is no place for the mind nor for the thoughts, but just for feelings. After all, sex is an experience, not a reflection. During sex the head should die, the thoughts should go. But the mind just starts to resist desperately such “temporary death.” It controls your behavior, suggests all kinds of thoughts, in order not to focus only all your attention on sex, but just not to capture you entirely. Real sex is like a guillotine, it cuts off the head with all its thoughts, fears, conditionings and masks.

Among such insects as mantises, it is common that a female eats the head of the male immediately in the beginning of a sexual act and it continues to have sex, completely devoid of any thoughts …

Why does this principle “slowly and without any purpose” act so well? To answer it, let us consider three kinds of food: 1) usual food, 2) air and energies, and 3) impressions, the third and the most subtle kind of food. Impressions are the food of consciousness. And, sex is a source, including subtle impressions.

To assimilate an impression, like any food, you must “digest” it. Impressions are “digested” by a subtle fire of consciousness, at the same time, extracting energy from them. It feels like inspiration. This energy nourishes the consciousness, allowing it to grow. To digest it, it will take us some time, because the digestion goes with a natural, certain speed.

What happens if you rush into sex? The rate of new impressions exceeds the rate of digestion. In other words, these impressions do not have time to be absorbed, i.e. really to be well felt or sensated by you. Being undigested they are pushed further to the depths of your memory, and, thus, their place will be occupied by the next ones. The undigested impressions manifest themselves in dreams, fantasies, thoughts. They determine your behavior.

If the consciousness does not have time to digest impressions, the energy will not be extracted. You feel it as dullness, routine, boredom. In fact, you have not got any experiences. And, if there are not any experiences of sex, so what is it? What have we got? Of course, no manner of, just sluggish, bland, something ordinary. If you have time to digest the impressions as they arrive, every moment is alive, fresh and new.

That is why it is so important not to rush. Acting slowly, you gain a deep attunement with the partner. Slowly, you get an inspiring energy, an inspiring force from sex. You have time to absorb all that sexual interaction can give you. You should enjoy slowly every cell of your partner, all his or her smells. By the way, a healthy and a clean body produces only pleasant, fragrant smell…

It is naive to believe that if you follow the rule, which is called “slow and without any purpose,” you will never reach your partner’s genitals, and as a result, sex will not take place. Only an ordinary theorist with a cursory glance and a limited mind can speculate this way.

This rule does not exclude the possibility of any spontaneous sex. If there was an instantaneous resonance between you and your partner, the best thing you can do is to surrender completely, to surrender to this impulse. Such spontaneous explosion is impossible to be programmed or to be predicted, that‘s why it should be appreciated.

Spontaneous sex is like tsunami. Is it possible to arrange or predict a tsunami? No. Also, a tsunami cannot be slowed down or speeded up. What have we got to do? We have to enjoy tsunami, all its phases.

In this state, no matter how long your contact will last, ten minutes or ten hours. For the sensation of time appears, only if there is some inertia, but if you are totally spontaneous, there is no inertia. Time disappears. Only when your mind functions, there is the inertia of perception and, as a consequence, you get a sensation of time and of its duration. But if you are spontaneous, it means absence of mind.

To have real sex, you need true love, love at this particular moment. When there is love, there is openness and there is no fear. So, your energies will start to attract each other and resonate. It will give you sensations, emotions, and your body will start to play. From all this a blooming real sex appears.

If you love someone in “general”, but not at the present moment you do not feel any real love, love as attraction to your lover, your sex will be mechanical.

Here’s another thing that is important. Real sex happens if there is only one man and one woman, but not their masks or stereotypes.

Only a man and a woman can merge into each other, because their nature is the same. They are just two halves of the whole. But if two masks, two images try to achieve that, they will get some kind of an animal with two heads looking in different directions. As sex does not take place between a patriot and a secretary, nor between a Christian and a basketball player, but between a man and a woman.

Most people constantly fantasize about sex and they are eager to have it. But there is only one “but”. Most people are afraid of real sex. If a person is a potential sexual partner for you, you feel insecure with him. If a person is not a potential sexual partner for you, you feel quite free with him or her. For example, a certain man can talk easily with an old lady or with a little girl. But, standing in front of a woman that he likes, he gets shy. In fact, he is afraid of her. With this, he desires her terribly. But he is afraid of her because from that woman comes the possibility of sex.

In a potential partner one is afraid of the possibility of sex! It is frightening as something huge and unknown, infinite. This fear is completely irrational and unconscious. It is due to the fact that sex has a great mystical power. This strength comes from the depth which is unconscious for the vast majority of people.

The trick is that almost no one is aware of the cause and of all the depths of the fear which makes a person to get shy in front of a potential sexual partner. Some psychologists even say that this fear is caused by the fact that a potential partner can refuse you. “I’m afraid of him or her because he or she may refuse me and I will not not be given anything that l don’t have.” Well, what can we add to that?!

Sex partner is a window or a door that leads to another dimension. This door opens during orgasm. Orgasm is on the opposite side of sex, orgasm is not sexual. After all, the orgasm is nothing but a burst of energy. This explosion takes you away from everyday, accustomed existence. Orgasm is an experience of explosion of pure energy, when nothing else remains. This explosion destroys all your ego, your whole personality.

We must remember that orgasm is the same event as death or birth. And we must treat it as birth or death. This means that you get either everything or nothing. You can not be just only half born or dead. When orgasm begins, it is necessary to go to it until the end, to the very limit, to lose yourself… We can say that orgasm is a prayer energy. Orgasm is a communion of absolute freedom.

In orgasm you no longer feel yourself a man or a woman. Orgasm allows you to experience yourself as pure energy, as pure consciousness. Through this stream you connect with all the infinite energy of the Universe, and it’s not empty words! In this case, the orgasm is the most spiritual of all experiences available to ordinary people.

When energy is low, orgasm does not rise above physiology. There isn’t enough energy to penetrate the veil of the material world. When there is not enough energy, orgasm turns in a wave of pleasant sensations. This wave is born in the genitals and brings a state of relief and relaxation.

In men this orgasm is associated with ejaculation. This orgasm is a loss of energy. As an ordinary orgasm is directed outwards…. It’s like a spit of energy in your partner, a quiet whimpering orgasm. But your partner is not able to catch this energy, and it flies off into space. This orgasm produces an appropriate attitude to sex, to your partner and to the sexual organs.

To avoid this, a man should stop being in a hurry. The rule which is called “slowly and without any purpose” is especially important for men. Because rush in sex is a biological feature of men. As for women, they should stop being uptight. Women should stop being afraid of their sexuality.

Women have much more sexual energy than men. If in an ordinary sex a woman reveals all her sexual energy, a man much sooner will feel tired. Boccaccio wrote about ordinary sex: “One cock can satisfy nine hens, but nine men will never be able to satisfy a one woman.” Until a man rises above the level of biology, he will not be able to become a real sex partner for a woman.

By the way, for a man to have orgasm, it is not necessary to have ejaculation. Orgasm can be separated from ejaculation. Ejaculation is necessary only for conception. Orgasm goes together with ejaculation only in an ordinary physiological sex. In this sex there is nothing wrong, but people could get much more.

There are exercises to achieve orgasm without ejaculation both in tantra and in taoist yoga. There are exercises for women to stop menstruation. Menstruation is a loss of energy like ejaculation for men. If you are not going to conceive a child, there is no need in a monthly cycle.

Orgasm becomes an ultimate experience when it is spiritualized. Spiritualized means to be connected with the spirit. With your spirit, i.e. with your consciousness. It is necessary to connect the orgasmic energy and your consciousness. Usually orgasm is born in the down part, and your consciousness is usually located in the head. There are two ways, and they complement each other very well. The first way is when you raise the orgasmic energy up. The second method is when you shift your consciousness down to the sex center.

In the first option, you don’t allow your energy to move down, as it usually happens. You guide it up to your head. At the same time you feel the orgasm to rise up through your body. When it comes to your head, it gets connected with your consciousness. It is experienced as an explosion we have above already talked about.

To implement this in the initial stages one usually makes a strong muscle tension in the crotch area, and , then, he “draws” the orgasmic energy up. In the future, it is enough for that to have just only intention.

The second method consists in shifting the consciousness into the sex center. This means an immediate awareness of sexual energy.

It should be noted that sex can turn into spiritual practice when it becomes conscious. This means that sex becomes meditation.

It is a mistake to think that awareness is a serious analysis of what is happening. If you try to be aware this way, you’ll look like losers at the exam. Awareness has nothing to do with that.

Awareness means a continuous living presence in the current moment. It is a work of consciousness, but not of the mind. The mind is off, and you do not analyze. It is a deep meditation. You are centered, i.e. you do not lose yourself in what is happening. You are a perceiver. Meditation permeates everything: your body, energy, emotions… You “live”, feel continually everything that is now happening to you. Attention should be very relaxed….

Here is an example. There is a rose in front of you, and in the first case (the work of your mind) you study carefully its petals, its veins. In the second case (awareness) you begin to inhale slowly its fragrance, as if drinking it, tasting it. Fragrance comes into you, becomes part of you. Eyes become half-closed….

We must remember that true sexual contact is achieved only when you are not absolutely ashamed of your partner. The indication for you is when you feel as uninhibited as if you were alone. And it is very important….

It is not necessary to have sex until you have got dulled senses and you have got the feeling of drab. As soon as you begin to feel wane, you should stop. It is very important, because the feeling of drab can be anchored, if you remain in it for a long time. One of the sayings of Shiva “Vijnana Bhairava Tantra” says: “At the start of sexual union keep attentive on the fire in the beginning, and so continuing, avoid the embers in the end.”

Of course, if you feel sex as something sinful, nothing will happen. In this case, any sexual practices can not be taken. There is an apocryphal (secret) gospel, which is called “Mary’s questions”. In it, Jesus tells Mary Magdalene about sexual relations. He tells her:

“… do not sin anymore, thinking that you are a sinner.”

This means that if you perceive sex as something bad, it becomes a source of internal contamination. And by the way, you still continue to have sex. If you feel sex as something pure, it becomes a source of purity, an act of purification. Sex itself is neither dirty nor purifying. It is neither a virtue nor a sin. Your attitude to sex makes it dirty or pure.

Sex is surrounded by incredible hypocrisy. For example, in some traditions, children are considered as a gift from God. But, they appear due to sex, but sex is considered as a sin! How can it be that a result of a sin is a God’s gift?…

That’s why we can say sex is a ladder between heaven and hell. You could use it to climb up or to go down. You choose the direction of your movement.

The Greek word “Eros” means energy between the human world and the Divine. It is like a channel that connects the human with the Divine. In early esoteric Christianity, the same importance was given to the Holy Spirit. It is said in the Hadith of the Prophet: “Your every sexual act is sacred.” In Tantra, sex is seen as an elevated form of a prayer. A sexual partner is perceived as a Divine one.

Tantric sex is a deep and relaxed meditation. Tantric orgasm is a form of Samadhi. This orgasm is sometimes called as “valley orgasm”. But orgasm is not the purpose of sexual union in Tantra. It is very important. Orgasm in Tantra is “flowers on the roadside.” Your aim is a journey through the road leading to Infinity, and the flowers on the roadside are just a pleasant coincidence.

Here is the practice that can lead you to a “valley orgasm”. Having sex, your partner and you, as slowly as possible, you both are coming closer to an orgasm. For this, the one who gets excited faster, must slow down and expect his or her partner. When you’re nowhere near the point of orgasm, you don’t get into it. You start to balance on its edge. In this position you will remain as long as possible.

If you manage to do that, after some time, you might get the state which is called the “valley orgasm”. At this time you will feel yourself and your partner as an amorphous dense and sweetest energy. You will feel that this energy dissolves everything but not itself. And just only an infinite bliss will remain, nothing else.

There is is nothing more but just an orgasm stretched in time. If an orgasm is compared with an explosion, the “valley orgasm” will be a slow explosion. It is an orgasm slowed down by many times. It starts gradually and it can last for a very long time.

Here’s another practice. The partners start to have sex and try to enter a state of the greatest and ever possible excitement, of a physical one, of an animal one, without any limits. The only thing they must avoid is an ordinary orgasm and ejaculation. All this must be done in order to mobilize more and more sexual energy.

In this state, they should remain for approximately 15 minutes, after which the partners make a complete momentary stop. It is similar to the technique of “Stop!”, used by the Sufis. It is absolutely necessary to forget about each other, about sex, about everything that can excite you. You should lie down, do not touch each other and relax, like corpses, no matter in what position. All attention must be absorbed only by your own feelings, by what you feel at this very moment in your body. You are aware of all that.

It is necessary to enjoy all these experiences as a manifestation of the Divine in your body. As a manifestation of the absolute, a radiant purity. Everything you feel, you have to feel in that way. It is necessary to eat all of these sensations by your attention, you need to savor them. In such way energy go into the depths of your perception. You are totally relaxed and you start to absorb your attention all that feel. Perceiving all this way, you transform your sexual energy into a subtle energy of consciousness. From this your consciousness grows. It is the purpose of this practice.

Such practices also have some healing properties. It is their useful side effect.

In Tantra there are many options of this exercise. You look into each other’s eyes and you start to breathe slowly and deeply. You can hold your hands. You need to remain in the most open and relaxed state. It is necessary to imagine that the inhale and exhale coming via the perineum, via the genitals. It is necessary to imagine the respiration, as something very pure, Divinely pure. The genitals must be felt like a shining open flower. So breathe for about 15 minutes. Sometimes, in this exercise, in addition, the both partners make a gradual compression of the muscles of the perineum during the inhalation.

Although in this exercise, you both look into the eyes of each other, the attention is in the crotch area. The attention should be very relaxed, without any tension.

Thus, you achieve a state of a profound harmony with your partner. This practice is usually done before sexual contact. Although it can, by its own means, give an orgasm.

Here is another practice that can give the highest state. You are having sex together with your partner, you are coming slowly closer and closer to the orgasm. For some time you are balancing on the edge of the orgasm without getting it. Then you both sit back to back, relying on each other as on the back of the chair. Your bodies are relaxed, your eyes are closed. After that, make an easy exhalation and hold your breath. Compress the muscles of the perineum, pull up gently and flex the stomach and strain slightly the muscles of the neck, as if you were trying to touch the chest with the chin.

Keep it as much as you can. Then, relax all the muscles and inhale. Restore normal breathing taking a few breaths. Repeat. Each partner must do it in his or her rhythm.

The most important thing is that during the delay you should imagine that there is an updraft of clear space through your body moving upwards.

You should do it for 5 minutes. It’s nothing else but a variant of the three bandhas used in pranayama.

And then, without opening your eyes, without changing your positions, bring your hands to your chest. Then, start slowly to open your arms, moving apart. Imagine that from the depths of your breast you start to transmit forward a pure energy of love, of a tender and an unconditional love. With every movement try to do it subtle and stronger. Do not limit yourself to the level of the achieved state.

You should also do this phase for 5 minutes. Then, you can do the relaxation.

Here is another practice which can give a very strong ecstatic state. Do it during or after your sexual contact.

A man must take a deep exhalation, and a woman a deep inhalation. Then you link your mouths and breathe the same air. The breathing should be smooth, without jerks. Gradually, it will be very fast as you will not have enough oxygen. When you can’t breathe any longer this way, you will unlink your mouths.

Restore normal breathing taking a few breaths. Repeat.

Do this practice for 5-10 minutes. It is only necessary to ensure that during the joint breathing the air does not come out through the nose.

Here is a very simple exercise, which can improve the quality of sexual experiences. It is an exercise for the endurance and strengthening of the muscles of the small pelvis and of the perineum. For the endurance do successively compressions of these muscles from one hundred to two hundred. This compression is similar to the interruption of urination. The compression must be short and not very strong. During the daytime, do 2-3 of such series of 100-200 compressions.

The next day, do 2-3 series to develop your strength. In one series of 10 compressions. Each compression is done at maximum intensity and, then, it must be kept for 2-3 seconds. Meanwhile the rest of the body must be relaxed. On the third day, have a rest, and then, repeat it. If you feel that your muscles haven’t recovered, add one day of rest.

There is a meditation. You contemplate the genitals of your partner. Genitals are a tool that connects a man and a woman. In Tantra the body is seen as a temple. Genitals are seen as a reservoir of purity and strength. They possess a mystical beauty.

In this meditation you contemplate the sexual organs, as yantra. Literally, yantra is a “working device”. Yantra is often called as a magical diagram that has mystical powers. Yantra can affect the state of consciousness. Yantra is a visual embodiment of the energy. So, the genitals are yantra. They are the object of meditation.

Meditation is a state in which consciousness is fully merged with the object of its observation. Of course, the mind is silent, there is no analysis, there is just only pure perception….

Sometimes the area in the perineum is called as the “gate of life and death.” During the meditation of contemplation you allow this gate to tighten your consciousness.

The genitals are contemplated like a flower….

By the way, the flowers, the beauty of which we all admire, are nothing else but the sexual organs of the plants.

It turns out that people give each other whole bunches of genitals, and no one is ashamed! If people had so pure attitude to their sexual organs!…

People admire flowers , but they are ashamed of their genitals. Is it all right?

The reason of all that is that from early childhood many parents have told their kids: “don’t touch, don’t look”! The genitals have been ignored, and, so such a negative attitude has been formed. Children’s dolls have no sexual organs! Where are they?…

There is a law of conservation of genitals. There is a law of conservation of energy and also genitals. All those genitals that were taken from dolls, they had not disappeared. They all can be found in sex shops. Huge vibrators and rubber vaginas in sex shops… All those genitals which dolls do not have !

Tantra teaches you to be real, natural. It teaches you to be relaxed. Tantra teaches you not to fight with sex, but to use it. Tantra makes you turn from simple lovers into spiritually close people.

There is a very large number of various sexual techniques. But we must remember that Tantra is not a technique, it is a special meditative state. A state of infinite inner beauty and purity….

All practices are only needed in order to gain this state. All practices are only the instruments through which our consciousness is released from all what makes it limited and not free.

If an ignorant person hears about all these sexual exercises, he is sure to feel rummy. Why? People tend to interpret everything. If one learns a small part of something, one starts to complete the whole based upon one’s own views. And, as well his views may not be very pure …

This is one of the reasons why tantra has always been kept in a secret. In Tantra, sex is seen as a Divine gift. Such understanding is inherent to very few people. There was a system of initiations which protected knowledge from any ignorant interpretation.

In this respect, it is very interesting to see a symbolic meaning of some ancient temples of India. For example, the famous temple complex in Khajuraho. The facades of the temples there are decorated with hundreds of erotic figures in the most unimaginable poses. If you remain outside the temple, you will only see these countless copulating figures. But if you go inside you will find the unique symbol of the Divine Consciousness and its creative Energy. On the other side of sex there is only the Divine. All the rest remains on that side.

Brodsky begins his “Letters to the Roman friend” with the following words:


In this windy day the combs of waves rise steeply.

Everything’s to change as autumn adds same hue.

Color shift moves you, dear Postum, much more deeply

then your girlfriend does whenever dressed anew.


You take joy in her to some extent precisely –

nothing goes so far as is her wrist or ankle.

How much fun enfolds the bodiless clad nicely:

Being neither hugged nor cheated nor entangled.


The beautiful “the bodiless clad” means that you love from your depth the depth of the partner. There’s nothing to seize, and there is nothing what you could seize with. We must not be afraid of this depth. You should give yourself up to its attraction. It is like an orgasm.