About Love. Interview with A.Lapin, 1994.

(Translated by Kirill Zubarev)

QUESTION: There are so many people now who are engaged in all sorts of practices of self-perfection, they “work on themselves.” Such practices can bring tangible results, and the practicians, of course, are able to get a feeling of some kind of spiritual transformation, of internal progress. So, can such sense of self-growth be corresponding to the reality?


ANSWER: It is known that a real change in human is a change of their average state. Human evolution is a change of ordinary, everyday and background state. A human being is arranged in a very sophisticated way, composed of many “parts” and “systems”. The average condition of a human being is the result of a joint work of all these “systems”. Every “ particle “ of a human being makes its contribution to the final result. It turns out that a path to harmony means a change of the whole human being, not only just only a part of him.

An erroneous feeling of “spiritual self growth” appears frequently on evident and real reasons.

One of such reasons of a false sense of progress is unusual experiences that can occur during meditation or during any kind of psychotechniques. Thus, for example, one’s able to see the Divine Light, feels the universal love, feels the cosmic energy flow and experiences different subtle states, etc. Also, the reason for such unreasonable feelings of spiritual progress can be a discovery of unusual abilities such as clairvoyance, etc.

But, all that is no more than a sort of extension of perception. For example, if during your meditation, you manage to see the Divine Light, but at the same time one of your close relatives, as before, plunges you into depression, it means that you have not changed. It just means that only your own ability to see the Divine Light has changed. In this case, the ability to perceive has changed, but the concrete person the one who sees, the one who works, has not changed, remaining the same.

Achieving higher states of consciousness is like a tour to distant and desirable worlds, but such tour is not necessarily means a change of place of residence, it does not necessarily imply the entire change of a person … (It should be noted that there are rare occasions when even such a single experience of that kind can change completely the whole person. In this case, that relative of yours, who was constantly annoying you before, has suddenly ceased definitely to be “a stumbling block” for you).

The second reason for a false sense of progress is the seeming change of the average state.

At the same time, one’s usual state of mood can improve, one’s interests and relations with other people start to change, in other words, the whole lifestyle … However, this may be just the result of replacement of some habits and stereotypes with other ones. In this case, one’s type of activity and experiences tends to change. But one who acts, one who experiences all that, the whole human being does not change remaining the same.

For example, some time ago you cared so much about “money” and “women” and now you are really interested in “meditation” and “enlightenment”. It means that your interests have changed, but it does not mean that you have changed yourself. It’s like as if you were tightened a wooden spoon roughly in your hand, and now, instead of it, you are handling delicately a silver fork. But, after all, you notice that your hunger has not gone away!

These changes are similar to the process of “plastering” one’s consciousness. Its ideal looking glass is buried under a compressed layer of old rubbish called “personality”. So, human starts to pile on this stuff another new layer, new techniques, methods, new philosophy … Gradually the surface becomes perfectly smooth, almost like a mirror. Different techniques work, and human thinks that he has changed.

This new layer accretes, grows in such a way that it can not be distinguished from its the first one, and only in some extreme situations, an old “bottom” can appear, buried under a layer of what we have learned, of what we have already got used to. Different people need different blows to make this “plaster” come off them, revealing the reality. For example, it could be a sudden fright. The strongest and always the most guaranteed blow for anyone is one’s own death. But it is not necessary to keep waiting for it until it happens just to find out in what state you are now…


QUESTION: So, how can one find out what has changed inside of one’s personality or if one has changed entirely? Are these seeming changes real?


ANSWER: It is very easy. The whole Universe is an endless ocean of energy. All what is in the Universe is a manifestation of this energy. Everything is connected in a single whole. A human being is also energy. Any of his qualities is a manifestation of his energy. Disadvantages represent an imperfect flow of energy, some kind of its turbulences, bottlenecks, shadings, etc.

If a great energy of the Universe happens to be flowing through a human being, one starts to experience what is called love. This great energy permeates entirely the whole Universe, linking all in one. When this energy flows through a human being’s energy, one partakes of the harmony of the whole Universe. For love is an attraction to perfection, attraction to wholeness, to non-duality, to what is beyond harmony. If you begin to love someone, it means that you start to feel parted from someone you love. Love is attraction to someone you are separated from. If you get fully connected, love disappears. There is only total existence. The flow of this energy is so absolute that it can capture entirely the whole person. And if at this time one manages to look at oneself, it will become clear who one is. It is now obvious where in the depths of one’s being is spacious and clear, and where there are just bottlenecks and darkness.

And above all, such flow does not always show what you really represent, but it cleanses you and the bottlenecks start to become wider, the curved places start to get more straightened…

Love is a great “diagnostician” and “cleaner”.


QUESTION: Could you tell more about all that? And what is “ordinary” love?


ANSWER: What is commonly called love, including its strongest manifestation, up to full happiness or unhappiness is a mere shadow of the great mystical power that is behind it. This Cause is Love.

What people usually experience is just simply passion caused by addictions, but it is not love. It is a shadow of love, but not love itself. Passion can be so strong that it can lead one to a suicide or to a paradise on earth, but all that is just only passion.

That’s what can be compared with the following. Imagine an old rare stamp which costs several millions of dollars, such stamps do really exist. So, this is a stamp, which depicts the “Sistine Madonna” by Raphael. For a collector this stamp can mean more than his life. Finally, he gets it, admires it, looking at the imprint on the corner … At this moment he does not remember about any Madonna! What on earth has Madonna to do with all that? The stamp by itself is what is so important to him!

Madonna was the reason to paint that picture by Raphael. The picture was the cause of printing of that stamp. The stamp, but not the Madonna causes a storm of feelings from the collector. Due to the stamp, not because of the Madonna he feels rejoiced or grieved. The farther is the Madonna from the stamp, in the same way love is far from passion that make people fly up to heaven, or go into the loop.

So, what we call love, in other words, are all kinds of experiences. And the cause of these experiences is Love itself.

All the “troubles” are due to the fact that an ordinary person is not able to experience completely all the existing being, all the existence. First, he singles out, isolates different objects, taking them separately, apart from everything that is around him, from the whole. Second, even when dealing with the object “cut off from the whole”, he does not see the whole object entirely, and he sees again just only one of its properties, only one aspect. Third, he is divided inside of him into many parts. He is not holistic. Some of these parts, besides, are in conflict with each other. It turns out that a part of the whole deals with a part of another one’s wholeness. How can there be a real, veritable, whole experience? Just shreds…

These “shreds” are called “relation” to something. In particular, relations between people…


QUESTION: Could you explain it again in connection with love?


ANSWER: There are different kinds of relationship between you and the outside world: “men and I”, “women and I”, “my parents and I”, “my children and I”, “my friends and I”, “nature and I”, “music and I” and so on. Refracted in specific ways, the energy of love causes the experiences that correspond to these relationships. People perceive these experiences as love. So, it turns out that for each type of relationship there is its proper kind of love.

Therefore, we can say that there are different kinds of love with its various aspects. For example, love between a man and a woman with all the best, the strongest, the purest, the brightest and the most sublime … This is one kind of love.

Love for children, when mother loves her child, it is a completely different love, and it is not like that love when a man loves a woman. Mother loves her child in a different way. It is another kind of love.

Love for parents is not like anything else either. It differs from love between a man and a woman, and from love for children. There can be love for our friends, and it will be different, too. A love of nature is like no other, someone is crazy about the sea or the mountains … And again, such love is not like other kinds of love. If you pay attention to yourself, you’ll notice that love for arts, for music or painting, for example, is also special.

There is also a religious love…

To learn the anatomy of your soul, just look at how you love. All the narrow and dark places of your soul give a special contribution to your feelings, encolouring them with different respective experiences, such as jealousy, for instance.


Q: Tell us more about it…


ANSWER: There are a number of features that can be found in ordinary love…

This is the first sign of human love. All normal and good people are necrophiliacs. They love the dead. Necrophilia is love to the corpse. Almost all normal people are necrophiliacs. When you think that you love a living human being, you are deeply mistaken, in fact, you love someone dead. And you make this corpse! A human head is a mausoleum, which houses your lover’s carefully manufactured mummy.

It does not take much time and effort to make such mummy. All that happens very simply. When you fall in love with someone, suddenly that person becomes quite unusual for you, different from all the others. You isolate that person, who becomes really special to you, from the crowd, you start to think, to remember and to dream about that person…

Love makes you go back with your thoughts to your lover. And you always remember just what you like in him or her. At this point, love shows itself through flashbacks. When you are separated, you can experience only this kinds of love which are memories. If you cannot touch your lover with your hand or with your look, you touch him or her with your thoughts and dreams.

And it entails what is called crystallization. Crystallization is a creation of a sustainable image of someone you love. You crystallize in your mind an image and this image gets fixed inside of you. You constantly refine it, finish and polish it, working at it without any rest … So, you create an image, a pattern, a picture that you love.

But this is not the original! In fact, it is a copy of a living person, but it’s not the living person as he or she is, it’s just a scheme, which has nothing to do with reality in any way. This image can be very, very similar to the original. But it is dead. It is just full of some fixed ideas about that person. In fact, it turns out that you love someone else, a person that does not exist, the person that you have created yourself.

And, then, the most important thing happens. You start to get acquainted with your lover closer and closer, you begin to know your lover better until one day you find out that someone you love is different from your ideas about him. He does not correspond to your expectations. In fact you have already got a projection of what he should be …

In the end, there will be a situation that will let you see that the man or woman you love is a living person and he or she is different from what you would like to have. It seems as if you had drawn a picture, and then you discover that the original is different from your lover’s image created by you.

And, what happens next, this is really too much. You begin to correct the original according to the pictures already drawn in your mind ! You start to correct the original so that it could become similar to the image that you carry in your head and correspond to your expectations.

This is the second sign of ordinary people’s love. Ordinary love is rape, a rape of someone you love. The first sign is necrophilia, and the second one is a rape of a living human being in order to bring him into line with the dead scheme in the head. Why does the rape start? If your love is true, then, of course, you want to make your lover be better and you try to help him. But he, dear, is so silly that he cannot understand it… So the rape starts. Moreover, all that is determined by a sincere desire to help, which comes from your true love…

Without any doubt, such behavior – necrophilia and rape – is not the result of any subtle calculation or analysis. Acting so, you are just following your mood, your emotions. You are acting sincerely until you realize one day what you are really doing…

In fact, if you want to change someone, you do not like this person. You’re lying to yourself, thinking that you love someone. In this case, your attitude can be expressed by the words “good, but some finishing is needed”. You happened to catch someone who was by your side at that time, someone who was available, and you wanted that poor raw material turn into your dream. Be honest now, you wanted to correct him or her for you and to make him or her fit for you and for your love. All that gives you the possibility to love him without any problem, satisfying yourself and also to be troubled by him as less as possible.

A few decades ago some people started the process of domestication of foxes. For breeding they selected only good-natured animals. Animals with undesirable traits were not allowed for breeding. So, they got domestic foxes. They were all very friendly to people and not aggressive. By their nature and behavior all those animals had no differences from dogs. They stopped being foxes. They became dogs. Later it was found that such foxes did not have any distinguished individuality and they were less intelligent. They were very convenient for people as animals, but they had lost their wild natural beauty, grace and strength. Having “cleansed” from the fox all the qualities that were not desirable, they lost what made these animals different from others … The same thing happens with your lover when you try to “remodel” him.

If we consider that attentively, we will see that the third quality of ordinary love is just business. Why can ordinary love be business? Because you want something from your lover, you expect something from him. For example, you want your lover to be near you so that you could see him or that he loved you. And, more, (even better), that he loved you in a form that is appropriate for you. Or, may be, that he got dressed as you want, or studied in a certain institute, or that he told you definite words, gave you what you like, perfected himself and that he had other parents … and so on without end…

There can be millions of demands, or just only one. It does not matter. It is important that there is something you want; you want it in exchange for your love. So, you give your love and you want to get for it what you want. As soon as you see that your desire is not fulfilled, your expectation has not come true and your lover does not correspond to what you want from him, you will get angry.

This is “unfair business”.You give him love and he, in return, does not give you what you would like to have. When you see that you have been cheated, i.e. your partner’s “business” is dishonest, you start to rape…

It turns out that ordinary love is conventional, i.e. your love for somebody or if you feel unhappy with someone, it depends on some conditions. It is necessary that the one you love could fulfill some conditions and could be this or that. If not, and note that your love is still sincere, the rape starts as you want to help him with your pure heart. You want to make someone you love perfect. You begin to fight with his defects. You start to “rescue” him. So, you are supposed to know better than he what he should be. As you are in love with him, you know better.

The fourth quality of ordinary love is loss of freedom. Such loss is caused by a lie. Loving someone you imprison yourself and you want to imprison your lover, too. First, you imprison yourself.

It happens in the following way. If you love someone, you want to please him. You want to be loved, too. You think about your behavior. You analyze it. You evaluate it…

You consider each step that your lover takes, thinking: “If I act so, he will like it or not? Maybe, I could do something different? To do it or not to do it, in the end?” You choose, in your opinion, the best alternative for what to wear, for what to say, for how to smile, etc. You remodel and deform yourself, distorting yourself in accordance with what your lover is sure to like. You add something to yourself, and there is also something that you take away … Your behavior becomes artificial. You start to lie in order to please your partner. So you lose your naturalness, imprisoning yourself.

The chosen behavior is insincere, artificial, as it is generated by your mind, your thoughts, and not by your heart. Your heart generates the desire to be liked or loved by someone. But how to achieve that all your mind is already ready to come up and help you. Most often you are not even aware of it, all this happens quite unconsciously.

The same thing happens with your lover. If he loves you, he begins, in the same way as you do, to deform himself, to be artificial, to be insincere to make you like him. And he also deprives himself of naturalness and freedom. He puts himself into a prison. And these both prisoners appear to love each other.

But the problem is not that only you start to lose your own freedom, but you deprive your lover of his freedom, too. You just allow him or her to be something or someone in a strictly determined way. In his turn, your lover also becomes very unnatural and starts to limit you. You become jailers for each other.

All that is not bad, it is as it is, people, finally, are made in this way. It is necessary to investigate it that in order to see clearly and to be aware of what is happening to you and around you. Then, something very important can happen, something will change. You will stop lying to you and your partner.

And here’s another, as it seems, the fifth sign or quality of ordinary love. Ordinary love deprives you of force. You lose energy. See the end of all ordinary love stories when people leave each other, when they part. People break up, losing their force with a gloomy look, without energy, without joy. There is just anger at each other, total dissatisfaction. You can make a reasoned question: is not it love that can do all such things to people? When people have just met each other, they feel a burst of energy. They are full of energy. They want to sleep and eat less, our eyes sparkle, they can fly … They cannot pass by unnoticed! When they break up, they are forceless and sad.

Of course, love is not to blame for this. It is not love that makes it all. It is what people do with love. But they do not do it intentionally. What one gets is the only possible variant. Each one behaves as it is natural for him at a given moment of time. It is not a matter of choice. In another way, simply it cannot be. People suffer from love, not because it is such love, but because they are such people. After all, love is not a punishment!

So what shall we do now? Not to love? But the majority of people cannot stop love a strong-willed decision or to awaken it.

Passing through such experiences, people change. As a matter of fact, they begin to do something in a different way, not from their mind but from the heart. Loves that people are going through are moments of happiness, the touch of the Divine.

Long ago people thought that if one falls in love with someone, Cupid’s arrow hits somebody’s heart. Cupid and Amur were portrayed as two winged boys with bows. They shoot arrows into people’s hearts with arrows of love that make them consequently fall in love. It is a symbol. An arrow is an “advance” of energy, which we get from Heaven. This is an opportunity to experience such divine experience, which is love, thanks to another person at the moment when he becomes your lover.

But everyone manages this energy, this advance in one’s own way. If you were given a large sum of money, you would spend them right away on a drink or invest them in some business or would buy for that amount books or you would travel …

In the same way, it happens with love. You get an opportunity to love someone. For that, some energy is “released” to you. But what will you do with this energy? Where will you direct it? Into yourself? Into your partner? Into the feelings? Will you disperse, waste it? All what will happen to you and your lover depends particularly on that.

But any of us sometimes faces with glimpses of a very special, another kind of love. This love lies in another level, in another dimension. During one’s lifetime, one has the ability, at least from time to time, to feel such love. Perhaps such experience lasted just for one second and was aimed at a certain person, but we will never forget it, we will never confuse it with other feelings. That is impossible.

Such love is different from the one we have just spoken about. First of all, it is different because this time you love a real person. You love a living person. You love him or her for what he or she is. You love all of him or of her. At this moment you embrace him fully with your love. You do not cut him like a butcher, choosing edible and inedible parts for your love. No single particle remains in his or her soul that you did not love at this moment.

This kind of love is similar to the behavior of the algae in the water. Long green algae are so flexible that they fully merge with water flow. They follow the flow completely, they have no desire to “correct” the flow of the water or change it. They fully merge with it. They become part of it. They can be seen only because they have different color. They follow every slightest change in the flow…

If you love a person in this way, you accept all of him at this moment, entirely. Even that gesture symbolizing love, if you love someone, you embrace that person, you give a hug …

This kind of love is acceptance. Acceptance of what you are. You accept without any desire to change something and without any desire to have something in return. Without any hope of getting something in return, you feel happy because there is someone you can love.

In the East, there is a legend that once, at the beginning of time, God was alone. He was absolutely alone, but he was filled with love. He did not have anyone to love. Then, he created the universe in order to have someone to love. And he is grateful to the Universe to be able to shed His love on it.

Also, you can be grateful to your lover, because he or she really exists, and you have someone to love.

In a monastery I saw a small epitaph, which was written on a tomb: “Thank you for what you were.” You know, for what he was, not for the fact that he was a loving father or a loving husband, but just for the fact that he was. In fact, that is the reason of love – the existence of someone you love.

How does a mother love her little child? She loves him without apparent reason. The reason of love is her child’s existence. She does not expect anything from her child. She does not stop loving him when he wets his pampers because she does not put him any conditions of what he should be. His existence fills her with joy. That’s all. But adult men and women so rarely love each other in this way.

Remember how you love the sea or the mountains. You do not fix their state. You do not impose any obligation on them. You do not put any conditions on them. On the contrary, you get joy from the variety and variability, from the unlikeness of each new day. The sea is very nice and calm both in the storm, and in the afternoon, and at night, when the moonlight is playing with water, and it reflects the stars. And, in the morning, it is sometimes impossible to find the boundary between the sky and the water, it seems that they have merged into each other. You seem to be bathing in the sky. Also the mountains are beautiful both in winter and in summer, and when the alpine meadows start to bloom. You do not put any conditions: “Let the sun always be at the zenith, let this tree be only slightly green, let the flowers just only grow there.” On the contrary, this diversity energizes you.

All that so rarely happens to people. Imagine that you were expecting him or her to come at seven. He did not come at seven. He came at eight, and even in the morning, and, by the way, not to your place, but you start to rejoice with the variety and spontaneity of his behavior! It is unlikely…

Normal love is like a huge gun, which you aim at your lover. You catch him in the cross of the target and you start to love him like- bang, bang, and bang! But a living human being does not stand still. He is moving. He is changes his place. He is going apart. And he himself is changing. But your weapon weighs many tons (maybe it is the Tsar Cannon). It is so inert, that it cannot be moved even to be able to keep up with a moving target that is your lover. It is much easier to get your lover back in the cross of the target, to chain him to the place at which the gunpoint of your “gentle” love is aimed. And, then you start to love him until death do you part…

But if your love is like algae, not like a cannon, everything is different. You do not rape anyone. You just only have something to offer. Yes, you can offer someone your love. You can offer something.

After all, love means giving. The process of love is a process of giving. You experience the pleasure of giving the energy of Love. Energy comes from your heart, bringing you to bliss. The surprising fact is that the more you give, the more you are full. The more you radiate, the stronger becomes the source of love inside of you…

Loving so, you can offer something to your lover. You will never rape him with your offer. It is up to your lover to decide to accept it or not.

From such love, you will not lose your freedom. You will not appear to be artificial. You will be not correcting your behavior “by him.”

And such love will not weaken you. On the contrary, it will charge you power and energy. It will give you more joy and more freedom. It will free you. The more you are immersed in love, the more you feel freer and more sublime.

Such love in the East was compared with the scent of a flower, with fragrance of rose. When you walk past rose and feel it’s smell, you experience something pleasant, some kind of bliss. You feel it’s flavor and enjoy it. And though you go away and cease to smell, the rose, any way, remains the same. It will be still fragrant. The smell has ended for you, you have moved apart and now you do not feel it anymore, but it still persists in the rose.

The rose still smells, but not for you. It just simply smells. This is one of its attributes, the same one as a number of petals, their shape and color. This part of its existence we experience as something very pleasant.

The same thing is love. It can be a part of your existence, your quality, and your state. Thus love is not simple relationship between two people: I’m doing different things for you: give flowers, write poetry, and carry you in my arms…. I am ready to die for you…

This is an attitude. It is very good, but it is an attitude. But love is a state. It is a special state of consciousness, a state of your soul. When you are in this state, and someone is close to you, he is immersed in the field of your love that you are radiating at that moment. You feel love for this person, and he feels it…

All the weak need much, and all the strong need little. If your love is strong, you will not demand much from your lover. You will not put him any conditions. You do not need your lover to be this or the other person. But if you are not able to immerse deeply in love, if your consciousness has not grown enough for such ecstasy, so you will be able only to experience “weak” love, love with special conditions depending on external circumstances.

Here’s one more thing that is important.

It is necessary to distinguish between two fundamentally different things: connection and affection. Affection means that you firmly caught hold on someone and you do not allow this person to turn around, neither to move away from you, nor to come closer. You do not allow your partner to move, to whirl, to dance around you. You cannot see your lover in all his or her beauty, feel him in his entirety. You got him tied and you also tied yourself. You are an anchor for him and he is an anchor for you. In this case, there is no possibility for growth, for changes. There is no freedom, no real life.

Connection is another thing. It is similar to a  mobile phone, which you both have. Wherever you are – near or far from each other – in fact, you are always present. It is necessary just to dial a number, and you can hear your lover’s voice, and he will hear yours. It is something like telepathy. You are together now. When you feel a connection, indeed, you are always together. The stronger your connection is, the freer you are. It sounds strange, but, it is really so.

Love is always a force of attraction. It is something that connects. It connects the one who is in love with someone else or with something that one loves. Love is a connective force connecting two lovers. It is a great Universal pimp. The connection can be mental, emotional, and physical…

Connection is a channel between you and your partner, in which love is moving. It is your openness towards your partner. This is something that enriches your partner and you.

The differences are total. In the first case, your love lives in your head, and in the second one, in your heart.

Why in the head? Because you always remember, compare and plan.

The first impulse of each love is always born in the heart. But when you start to think about love, the energy leaves your heart and starts to fill your head. That is why the head has grown enormous, and the heart small. Suddenly the head cannot stand all that and finally it “explodes” and you cease to be satisfied with you lover. And, then, you leave him. Your love is over. After all, such love comes to an end. If there are not any new arrivals from outside if there is no feeding, love got dried up.

Of course, at the beginning you can eat your heart energy of love feeling the emotions. In this case, the energy is spent on emotions. But when this energy comes to an end when your heart does not radiate your love anymore, you begin to “eat” your lover. Ordinary love feeds on whom you love. You devour your lover.

You will say: It is nonsense.

However, that is so.

There are different kinds of food. One food is the food that we eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Some people can even include here a five o’clock tea. Another kind of food is a more delicate one. It includes the energy, which we get from the environment, for example, when we breathe.

And, also, there is another food. It is the finest food we eat. It is our impressions or, in other words, the information that is the food on which our consciousness and our soul feed. Soul needs such food for life and growth, because one’s soul grows throughout all one’s life. And if this food, or impressions, is rough, both our consciousness and our growing soul become the same.

By the way, only one part of all your impressions you get from outside. The other part, you make it yourself, the biggest part. You take any reason from outside and, then, add to it something that you generate inside of you. That’s the way in which bad impressions are created. You always create them. Very often you do not even realize that it is happening precisely in this way…

Harmony is proportionality, the balance between what you give and what you get. But if you really want something from someone and you think all the time about this man or woman, you start to remember him or her. So, there is no balance. In this case, you get much more than you give.

Even plants feel when you think about them. The experiments made by Baxter, it was way back in the 60s, showed that the body of plants reacts violently to any mental desire, for example, to break a branch.

The same thing happens to the human body.

That’s why attention is a channel that connects you to what you vector your attention. But people are able to feel just only a very small part of themselves, just the superficial one. They are not able to feel such influences, but they do exist! All said above is not intended to cause a neurosis like “I am being thought about, I am in danger!”, or like a prohibition to think about others. It happens to everyone, but almost no one can realize it.

If you love with your heart, on the contrary, you fill your lover and the space around you with energy of love. Not with your own ego, but with what is going through you but it does not belong to you.

All the great saints left this world much more beautiful than they had found it after they had come to this world. Living here, they filled the world with love, made it more beautiful. Such people are links between ordinary world and subtle harmony. They are windows from which the light of other realities is pouring. At such moments of internal inspiration fragrance of love starts to exhale…

Kahlil Gibran wrote in “The Prophet”:

 “…Let there be spaces in your togetherness,  

     And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.  

     Love one another but make not a bond of love:  

     Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.  

     Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.  

    Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.  

     Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,  

     Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 

      Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. 

      For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.  

      And stand together, yet not too near together:  

      For the pillars of the temple stand apart,  

      And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”


Such love does not have two sides. It is holistic. Ordinary love has always two sides: joy and suffering, bliss and pain, happiness and unhappiness. Strange but true that the one who gives you happiness becomes further the cause of your unhappiness.

For example, you love someone and you’re happy thanks to this man or woman. But, suddenly, he has to leave, for example, to go on business, and you start to suffer. He has not taken away your happiness, as he, after leaving you, has lost it, too. You both get lonely and, as a consequence, you both start to suffer.

Loneliness makes you unhappy. Before that, you were not alone. You were with your lover. But, then, he goes on a business trip, and your happiness comes to an end. Is it true happiness, if it depends on the displacements of your lover? Maybe, it is just an illusion of happiness, isn’t it?

You can merge completely into each other just only remaining alone. If you remain alone, you can be infinitely close to each other. There is no contradiction. You can continuously move towards each other, without getting stuck at any single distance. As you remain alone, there is nothing that could stop you from moving.

So, all that seems to you, as ultimate closeness today, tomorrow will become a huge distance. It seems to you that it is impossible to be closer, but suddenly a new horizon has been discovered. All the time you seem to have recently met your lover, you are just starting to know him or her. You are approaching him closer and closer. While approaching him so, and all the time, you will start to feel that there is always something new that earlier has never existed for you. When you are alone, you are able to contact each time a new lover, a today’s one. Each time you will experience a new love.

Only a lonely man can experience true happiness. “Alone” means separate from what makes him unhappy. “Alone” means to be separated from what causes unhappiness and the fact that you are alone with your happiness face-to-face.

Reasons for your unhappiness are always inside of you. It’s like as if there were an “organ” in your mind that could produce that feeling of your unhappiness. This “organ” produces unhappiness from any incoming material that’s why any impression may be the cause of your disorder: your lover, dollar’s exchange rate, ecology and environment – anything. That “organ” functions continuously and very regularly.

But if that “organ” is not given any food, it will get atrophied. Nature is thrifty. The body is not so wasteful to expend its energy for the maintenance of non-functioning parts. It just gets rid of them. If you stop eating in the usual way, your intestine will get atrophied, and it will already be completely impossible to restore it. The same thing happens to your consciousness.

It is clear that it is very difficult to make that organ of “disaster” starve. If it were easy, everyone would be continuously happy for a long, long time. So, any efforts in this direction will be rewarded generously. You will have to “try” much more than you tried before to feel unhappy…

To achieve something significant it is possible just when you are completely immersed in the present action. A human can sometimes experience such moments, while he notices that even a second ago he was absolutely inseparable, indivisible, with what he had been doing. It can even be just simple dish washing or watching a movie.

At that moment, you are what you are doing: dish washing or watching a movie, you do not feel being apart from this activity. You do not have any ideas, you have no past, and you feel being what you are doing. In fact, “you” do not exist, there is only dishwashing, only this thing is what really exists …

So an everyday action can turn into a meditation.

In all other cases, people are more or less dualized. This is what happens when you, for example, are doing something, and at the same time you are in the process of thinking about something, and a large part of you is just “sleeping.”

It is called doing something automatically.

For example, you are driving a car and, at the same time, you are communing with your thoughts.

But the duality is much stronger when you disagree inside of you with what you are doing right now. In this case, you are lying. You make yourself do what you are expected to do. You are doing what you cannot agree with. But you have to do it. And it happens very often.

It is a simple duality: outside you are one person, and inside of you is completely the other one. Your mind is rent by internal contradiction. Your inner behavior is different from the external one. So, you become insincere.

In this state, it is impossible to do something strongly, holistically, “do really”. When you are dualized, you’re weak. It occurs because only one part of your force goes for the definite “purpose”, only one part of your attention, and the other part is spent on protest, on internal resistance. If you are not real at this moment, how will you be able to create something real? And your actions at this time are false, too. You do not agree with what you are doing.

What you are doing always bears the imprint of your state at the present moment.

What you do is similar to you.

If you are insincere, so your creation will be insincere, even if apparently everything is well done and really good. Thus such creation can just only be a smile or an act, or it can be even the whole life…

In fact, a vast majority of people always acts so. They’re being a little disingenuous, somewhat not agreeing with what they have to do. They continuously rape slightly themselves. It becomes so usual for them (as everyone has already been trained since childhood, hearing constant “you must not” and “you must”).

Even if you want to notice something like that inside of you, it will be almost impossible. It is already a part of you. It has merged with you. It has become normal.

If there is something that is continuously present in you, even in small concentrations, it is getting accumulated and formed in a very substantial quantity.

Look, people, who were completely immersed in what they were doing, have created all of the most outstanding things. They had devoted themselves completely to that, being at the extreme level of their sincerity and integrity.

If you are dualized, you have two options either to act according to your inner feeling or to act as you are expected to.

“Dual” means “di”, “opportunities” – “able”, ” two opportunities” sounds like “di able”. “Di able” is “diable”, devil. It is not a creature with two horns. It is a state of conflicting duality, of unnaturalness, of fears and of doubts in your actions. Two horns is a symbol of duality.

Note that the horns come out of the head. The head with its thoughts is a source of a dualizing force. When there is no sincerity, you condemn yourself to hell inside of you. It can be hidden very deep, but it is always the same…